


"You're not a monster"

by Alicia99



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: AU, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, M/M, cuteness, i think i have problems
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-29
Updated: 2016-08-04
Packaged: 2018-03-26 09:30:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3845818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alicia99/pseuds/Alicia99
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The story of how Uta begins to take vulnerable Kaneki under his wing, starting only a couple of weeks after Kaneki joins Anteiku. Kaneki visits Uta's shop to be fitted his mask but instead of being accompanied by Touka, he goes alone.</p><p>In the end kaneki ends up revealing more about himself than his measurements...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. curiousity ^.~

**Author's Note:**

> Kaneki makes his way to Uta's shop, full of anticipation and adrenaline and fear. What he finds there suprizes him, in a good way.

Kankei shivered as he made his way through the various eerie streets and shifty looking alleyways which apparently led to the 4th ward. Touka had sent him, all alone to get some kind of mask made by a ghoul named uta, yet another character he was yet to be acquainted with, and in all honesty the boy wasn't feeling entirely confident. For a start, he was about 90% sure that touka's directions were...of questionable intent.  
'jesus christ, is she trying to get me killed already?', he muttered whilst passing yet another group of men who were 'quarreling' to say the least. Fear was beggining to set in by now since kaneki had no idea how to defend himself if the time called. Luckily, until this moment everyone had seemed too engrossed in their own matters to acknowledge his smaller, innocent self- however it was terrifying feeling this vulnerable. Deep down inside, he knew that in this moment his life rested completely in the hand of those he'd only just met, those who he would still so desperately like to call monsters and despise the existence of... but he could see no bearable alternative. He'd either die from the torturous hunger planted within him or live on relying others to feed his murderous needs. It was a dilemma in theory but not at all in plain fact. As if instinctly, Kaneki wanted to live. Therefore he would submit to these measures, he would comply with what those at anteiku told him, he would try his best to learn more and become stronger in any way possible and he would-  
stop the tears which were trickling down his cheeks and mixing with the coldness of the rain. It was almost a relief to finally come into view with the entrance which had been described to him. From the outside it appeared as any ordinary tattoo and piercing salon would; a little rough around the edges but modern and stylish to say the least. Infact it was quite the inviting little shop, however Kaneki had no clue what to expect inside. His heart began to race as he paced himself slowly, inching further towards the door. He felt faint as his knees trembled weakly. The ground below him seemed to become ever more thin, or was it the air which was growing thicker, eagerly attempting to suffocate him? 

'breathe Kaneki...., breathe....'

Cautiously, a shaky hand reached out and clasped the dreaded handle.

'thats right, look!! you're doing it!',- reassured an excited commentator who suddenly popped into his mind.

somehow it took the boy an incredible amount of effort to push the light rickety metal down but he couldn't turn back now, not after coming so far in the relentless stormy weather and battling constantly with the panicky echos patrolling his head. Closing both eyes for a second and then preparing for the worst, one big final push was made. One... two.... three... Kaneki fought to maintain his courage, turning his head rigidly to look around the room, scanning frantically for any possible threats. Everything was still spinning rapidly and it was difficult not to loose his balance as he reluctantly closed the door. The sound was chilling; vibrating off of the walls and radiating across the hard wooden floorboards. 

'wait... can it be, this room is empty?'

The realization hit him on second glance across the lifeless uninhabited chairs and abandoned counter. There was a variety of sketches hanging from each wall showing designs, and all other kinds of notices pinned in all available spaces. Everything seemed so lively, as if just a moment ago bustling with customers.  
curiousity crept across his pale features as he noticed something... a particularly large stool covered with a dark sheet. As if subconsciously, Kaneki's interest lead him closer to the object-In any case, if there was no one here, he may as well explore a little, right?   
'theres something on top of here..., if only i could just..'- Nervous fingers brushed over the thin fabric contemplating whether this was a good idea. The anticipated ghoul could still well be inside the building and not take too kindly to his possessions being moved around. 'oh god, i don't want anyone to be angry with me.' Kaneki's rush of confidence quelled slightly yet he did not let go. 'perhaps i should make my presence known."   
"eerm... hello?!!" 

No answer. 

Kaneki sighed and stepped back, unsure of what to do next. was there any point in staying if no one was even here? different options beckoned to the boy, little did he know that he was about to be startled out of his skin. 

"BAM!",- leaping off of the stool, a tall dark haired figure pulled away the cover to confront him. "Oh dear Kaneki-kun, you almost found me there! that would have been no fun~, i went out out my way to give my awaited customer a suprise"   
Kaneki, who had collapsed in a startled heap on the floor, gazed blankly; his eyes still pricked wide for a second attempting to process what exactly had just happened. Too lost for breath to even imagine forming a coherant sentance, merely a faint and confused smile was offered to the excitable ghoul, a smile which was in all reality rather spontaneous. It said "yes... that's me, here i am, for better or for worse."


	2. unfolding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uta helps his dear visitor dry off from the rain and tries to impede on the noticeable coldness which surrounds him- He becomes.. interested in the boy to say the least, but will kaneki fair well to the ghoul's behavior? or will he refuse to open up the tightly shut door to his world, behind which everything paints a wild and abstract picture of confusion and fear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> VERY THOROUGHLY WRITTEN ... but let's have faith okay? :)  
> things progress a little here and i am quite excited !   
> please tell me if you find my writing style boring ;-; is it too descriptive? do i need to speed things up? help!

Slowly but surely, Kaneki managed to shift to an upright position in order to get a better look at the new face presented to him. Uta was significantly taller than the boy with a slender yet strong figure and a collection of different tattoos down his arms and chest which all actually contrasted quite beautifully against his pale skin. The most interesting of all though was that around his neck. were those... greek words? kaneki faintly recognized the language but could not possibly understand what any of the letters meant- it intrigued him, as did the way the ghoul's long mess of jet black hair was shaven closely on one side and left to fall elegantly down to his lower neck on the other. It was a style that Kaneki had seen before but never so well suited to a man of Uta's age- now that he thought about it Uta must be considerably older than himself if those facial features are anything to go by. Although appearing friendly and warm, (and currently unbelievably human), the ghoul's eyes held in them a certain tint which would be difficult to overlook. His brow was defined and strongly drawn... and those lips which smiled now contemplatively at Kaneki; a deep shade of crimson. Undeniably the aura which radiated from him was nothing like that of his 'awaited customer's' feeble university-student self. 

'this person...is unlike anyone i've ever spoken to before. I have to get up, i have to talk, I have to do something quickly.'  
"uuuhhh... Uta-san?"  
'How exactly am i supposed to conduct myself?? This guy/ghoul/monster/whatever-the-hell is helping me to hide from the police and all i can do is stutter out a greeting like that '

A piercing expression watched him thoughtfully for a second, tracing the outline of his shape and taking in the view of his drenched clothes dripping down to form a small puddle on the ground below. He pondered absent minded why the boy had hit the ground so easily and was still reluctant to pull himself up, but then he realized. If he only thought back the earlier phone call from touka then he could remember how little time Kaneki had been with anteiku and more specifically - how little time Kaneki had been inhuman for. It would be a frightening and confusing situation for anyone but Kaneki wasn't just anyone. Uta's mind was spiraling back to the incident with Rise and the moment when he had visited the coffee shop to be confronted with yoshimura who explained everything. it was purely shocking... overwhelming in fact and although he had forced himself to keep to his usual straight, emotionless visage he knew that deep down a part of him was stirring a fit of unforgiving rage. Could anyone possibly maintain their strength when left in such a startling position? He could at once imagine all too well how much stress his sorry appearing customer must be under and made sure to soften his currently intense gaze. Up until now hadn't noticed it spreading like wildfire across his face-Uta had a unique way of showing concern for people, yet he knew better than to let his feelings run free and scare the boy further.

"kaneki... you're shivering. It must have been a strenuous walk here in that dreadful rain", he cooed glancing out of the window whilst bending down and offering a hand to help him up. Kaneki reached out nervously but was grateful for the gesture as he weakly staggered to his feet. The trip had been both mentally and physically exhausting but of course he couldn't admit to such a thing. To much suprise however, Uta didn't let go of the the small, quivering hand he had collasped and instead held it more firmly as the tone of his voice became increasingly serious. "you're so cold... we need to get you in the warm my dear. "  
Kaneki felt hesitant- why was this 'person' being so nice, did they want something? we're they decieving him? did they want to take advantage of him? oh god... did they want to..eat him??? A million different scenarios raced through his mind, swaying him from his balance again but Uta caught him. 'oh god... i can't get away if that's what he's after..' The older male pulled him closer unwilling to release his grip, causing Kaneki's heart to race relentlessly. He tried one last half-willed attempt to protect himself by pushing the ghoul's arms away but it was futile. Uta couldn't release the shaking presence which had come to him so apprehensively. He needed to care for the boy, to help him and to comfort him through this ongoing nightmare. "you can hardly stand... i'll get you some dry clothes to wear. come with me."  
Kaneki followed. It was hardly a choice but he decided to assume that Uta meant well. He simply needed the exchange,- someone to take him in and assure him that he was safe; someone to trust. every part of his existence needed this and he knew it.

Uta gently squeezed the boy's shoulder and progressed forwards to lead him down a narrow corridor to another room which kaneki soon discovered was his own. "I'm sorry my dear kaneki-kun but my things may be a little large on you." He grinned slightly as he opened the wardrobe in the corner of the room and picked out a large dark colored sweater and jeans, trying to find the smallest sized items he owned. "you can change here if you like. i'll wait outside", he added calmly, handing over the bundle. "... t-thankyou", kaneki replied relieved at the kindness in the other's smile. Uta exited and slowly shut the door behind him to allow for some privacy. Kaneki changed quietly, still sensing a quaint fraction of discomfort at exactly how exposed he was right now, pulling the top over his head and shifting into the pants. It was however, a wonderful feeling to fold up his uncomfortable wet clothes and put them to the side before opening the door again. He was greeted by the belittling sound of the ghoul's laughter though it had not been entirely unexpected. kaneki's new outfit wasn't exactly his usual attire and hung off of him quite endearingly. "oh yes... definitely a little misfitting", the older chuckled whilst spinning kaneki around and taking him back into the room,"just look how tiny you are!" He showed the boy to a long mirror which was propped up against the wall and wrapped his arms around him again. Kaneki couldn't help but laugh too, it was quite a sight to see the difference in size between the two first hand, and also the sheer mess of his own appearance. His bangs -which uta was now combing through with his fingers- were thrown over his face carelessly, hiding a good percentage of his eyes, and his cheeks were flushed from his weariness. "let me dry your hair for you", the older inquired clearly amused with it's unusual slovenly image. Kaneki giggled again, let himself go, and sat down on the bed behind him when beckoned to whilst Uta pulled out his dryer and got to work. He gently parted and combed being careful not not hurt his precious subject. "you know I used to be a hairdresser kaneki-kun~", he mused gradually continuing. The heat of the air was incredibly welcome after previously being too cold to even move propperly and Uta watched as Kaneki's eyes closed for a minute, relishing in the warmth which surrounded him.

'how... very cute my dear..', was all he could possibly think to himself.


	3. unraveling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get a little tense... and Keneki get's a little flustered :p

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would appreciate any advice on how to improve my writing style ;) thankyou

Uta marvelled as the last few droplets of water trickled down keneki's neck. He reached out and softly wiped them away, putting down the dryer and smoothing his hands over the boy's now almost silky feeling hair. It was a pleasure to caress and fondle for a second- surprisingly engaging, and the ghoul was rather shocked to find such difficulty in pulling himself away. Although reluctantly lightening his touch, Uta probably shouldn't have allowed his fingers to drift down and affectionately stroke the younger's cheek, or to slide under the boy's chin and tilt that innocent face up to look at him. The pair were extremely close, perhaps too much so for comfort... and the air was at best a little thin. They we're of course still sitting on the ghoul's bed, and currently forming a position which anyone else would have regarded as greatly intimate but Uta was arrogant to this concept. He wanted to take in every detail of Kaneki's features, to memorize every blushing shade of pink which radiated from his skin and to capture every tint which could be found inside that one eye which stared at him apprehensively. 'if only i could just....'-

Kaneki's pupil widened as a hand reflexively flew up to grab his eyepatch, stopping the ghoul from removing it. It acted the sort of as a security measure even though he believed that Uta meant no harm. He still wasn't entirely comfortable with looking at his kakugan, not to mention letting others see it. To the boy it felt like something wrong, an error which he was unable to erase, a mistake which made him a cross between two worlds, neither of which he could belong to. For many nights touka's words had rung through his ears after that first confrontation and although over the next couple of weeks keneki had slowly come to learn they we're not sincere, the fear still weighed heavily on his mind. what if they we're true? He shuddered. 

"..Uta i'm sorry but I've been keeping this on.."  
The ghoul sighed, not out of irritation or impatience but sheerly out of contemplation.   
"but you're so pretty kaneki-kun, I want to see this little face, please~ come on! let me see~ ", Uta teased with a grin. He took hold of the boy's wrist and pulled it away from the fabric with ease, watching the younger struggle against him.   
Kaneki didn't know how to feel, the playful and light hearted attitude tackling him wasn't exactly unpleasant, yet he was still   
hesitant to give in.   
"please don't! it's not you.. it's just.. well, i can't control my -ghoul- eye yet.. my kakugan has always stayed visible.."  
Uta's eyebrows raised in mock surprise since he had already considered this. He loosened his hold, rolled his own darkly tainted irises and ran a hand lightly down the boy's chest and over his stomach inducing a quiet, almost inaudible gasp. they both heard it.  
"you know, that's most likely because you're not feeding yourself ~", he taunted, stopping to rest his palm on kaneki's hip. "you should really eat something before your own hunger consumes you.." his other hand rose up to tenderly swipe a thumb across the patch all the while focusing closely on the boy's trembling expression. Kaneki was paralized by the truth in his speech... he did need to accept the fact that he was now a ghoul and to treat himself better but it was unthinkably difficult, not to mention the way Uta was looking at him was quite pinning. 'should i really still be here, having him handle me like this..?' Kaneki shifted his body away from the ghoul only for Uta to move and grasp his thigh, giving it a light squeeze before a retained smirk crept upon his lips. "I suppose in any case we should get your measurements done.."  
The boy's breathing hitched, jesus.. what on earth was it about this person that caused him to react like this? 

Finally, he was released. 

'thank god'   
The couple made their way back to the original room that kaneki had first nervously discovered and the boy planted himself on a tall, slim appearing chair, whilst uta placed the tape measure around his head.   
"do you have any allergies?", he asked in monotone whilst glancing at the numbers.  
"No", replied the boy shakily, still stirred from just a moment ago. He shuffled uncomfortably in his seat.  
"Any prefernces?.."  
"uhh...", he wasn't sure what was meant by this and was about to mutter another 'no' when the ghoul quickly intervened with yet another question.  
"kaneki-kun.. do you have a partner right now?"   
'what??, why is he even asking all of these details...?'  
"n-no.. Uta-san, is this really necessary?", he mumbled quietly, a little fazed but not wanting to anger the other.   
"Getting to know my clients is something i find very motivational dear, therefore i have to find out more about you, hmmm maybe a half mask since you're so new? would you like that?"  
Kaneki was truly lost for words again and simply forced himself to nod a little, to at least show some kind of response. If he thought long and hard he would probably be able to say that this was one of the most awkward experiences within his life and he was trying hard to stay calm and endure it. 'just a little while more... we can leave soon kaneki.. it's fine. at least he's not hurting you'  
Unfortunately however, kaneki's strategy was broken at once when Uta bent down to inhale the boy's scent. He could sense the older's breath hot on his neck and he felt himself heat up. It was embarrassing, and uncontrollable. He tried to pull away but was instantly snatched back in one strong, instinctive motion. Kaneki's smell interested Uta after all;it was infective...and he needed more of it, maybe more than would be so easy to obtain... It was so tempting to keep the boy all to himself. He was rare and special in every way.. if it wasn't Uta who decided to take him then someone much worse would... that was the way the ghoul saw it. Oh how he longed to break that composed and gathered look which kaneki was evidently working so hard to maintain. Oh how very beautiful the boy would look being cast into ecstasy in Uta's arms, permitted to release all the tension which he'd built inside... Uta wanted to..ravish him.

\- but he could never allow it. not when kaneki was still in such a fragile state. The thought of loosing control worried the ghoul, since Uta also wanted, above everything to protect the other whilst he remained in such a vulnerable state.  
It was terrible to imagine anything more and his conscience raged away in the depths of his mind. 

 

'I need to talk to him... to let him know that I care'


	4. unwinding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I tried to improve my writing style a little bit however I still need to add to this and check through it so please don't expect anything amazing if you choose to read it now :P  
> the problem is I'm writing at 2am here and i can't be bothered to polish everything off at this dreadful hour ;-;  
> forgive me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uta is insistent on caring for kaneki himself... or at least to an extent.  
> In any case, he doesn't feel he can let the boy leave quite yet.

Hesitating for a second, Uta finally removes the tape measure from Kaneki's head and finishes recording all measurements. He'd done everything required, everything necessary and yet damned unease still called for more. Perhaps it was selfish, perhaps unsettling, but he simply couldn't let the boy leave yet. His solicitude was restless, forcing fresh inquiries out in that voice, which seemed in an instant to shoot the other straight down in flames. 

"so Kaneki, ateiku is a nice place huh?"

'well... suppose so. It's a less threatening area than this one. For a start, no one idly sniffs me like it's the most tolerable thing in the world and secondly there's none of this interrogating talk. No one asks me questions like I'm some kind of crime suspect.'- was the first monotone answer which sprang to mind since Kaneki had realized full well that the mask-maker was done with his work.  
'why is he being so... persistent?' The boy took a deep breath and shifted in his chair. what to say... what to respond... 

"ummm well yes. Everyone has been very... accepting of me considering my circumstanc-"

"And they're treating you well??", Uta intervened sharply, worried by the the other's obvious insecurity, "you're comfortable being with them?"

Kaneki thought for a second considering this. He was far from comfortable and knew that the ghoul would see through any possible lies. He was in fact terrible at deceiving people and this was just one of the struggles of his new life. The secret was a constant burden, excruciatingly hard not to buckle under the weight of in certain situations. Despite the fellow coffee-shop ghouls' hospitality, there was always a distinct air between them and himself. Something drew a line between their generosity and their strict responsibilities which had to be upheld. Although the group had provided for him under their care and practically saved him from a blind display of cannibalism on the street, it never felt like they were truly willing. They were still distrustful.. still so apprehensive..- In other words, Kaneki knew that none would hesitate to kill him and anyone involved if he was discovered. The half-ghoul was not one of them. That was certain, and the notion of loosing control was menacing.

'hide... I can never let him know...'

S N A P 

A loud click of Uta's fingers disrupted his trance coupled with a silent sigh of disapproval. The older bared his insistence boldly across dimly shaded features. The evening hours were falling away and night was descending around them. Nevertheless, peace of mind depended on Kaneki's every sentence so patience was granted a rather difficult virtue to pursue. 'just what in the world in running through your mind my little kaneki-kun..? I wish you'd just give in and tell me, you're safe by my side you know..'

"well??". he prompted whilst mentally cursing himself for the harsh tone which resonated. 

"t-they are treating me very well, Uta-san!, they are so reasonable. They offer me food, advice, and a place to stay but...but I'm just, I'm just so scared... I'm so scared of ..", the other's voice cracks and trails off into a determined swallow of the lump which was forming in his throat. He couldn't break down, not here.. not now. He could have sworn the earth stopped spinning for just a second there- it was almost as if he'd only just acknowledged all of the negative emotions welling up at his core. Why did this person have to bring them all out after he'd managed to keep the doubt all so very compressed? Surely nothing positive could come from tumbling into truth's abyss- and facing the fact that he had no idea why he was here, or what he was doing or how he was even living at the moment. Surely it would be best to go now, before this stony silence continues any longer. 'have i said too much??, does he think I'm ungrateful..??"  
kaneki stood up, deciding it was time to leave. He would excuse himself, thank Uta for his services and then head home. After all, it was getting dark and he was not looking forward to facing those far-from-deserted alleyways again.  
Uta blinked and rested an elbow on the top of the chair where Kaneki had been. He seemed his most relaxed all evening but had in all actuality had felt his heart sink quite painfully in hearing his special customers confession. The effort and stretch behind had been audible behind every quivering syllable and this deepened his fascination with the younger. Uta respected him- a lot.

Shuddering, the boy took a step backwards and prayed for the smallest fraction of hope in his trembling physique. 'It's okay... all you need to do is say goodbye..I'm pretty sure it can't be that laborious Kaneki! pull yourself together!' 

"I-I'm sorry U-uta-sa"

"Kaneki, you have nothing to apologize for", the ghoul said firmly catching the other's arm as he turned towards the exit. Kaneki wasn't going anywhere yet. He couldn't allow such an abrupt parting else he wouldn't know what to do with himself. Did this kid really expect him to leisurely wave goodbye whilst he stumbled off into the shadows, unguarded and overflowing with vulnerability - probably without even a fractional hope of getting through safely?  
'what the hell'

Kaneki soon felt himself spun around and pressed softly backwards against the wall. His immediate reaction was to gasp and struggle to throw Uta off since the position was one he'd never faced before and felt uncomfortably overpowering. Uta registered this and remembered at once that his compassion may be a little too much for the other to cope with, but did let go of the arms which pushed against him attempting to break free. Instead he spoke calmly to the boy, offering soothing words to his ear whilst continuing to hold him down. The gap in strength was rather shameful for Kaneki. A mental note to start training more often was made while his movements reluctantly started to subside... but when those kind, warm hands glided up to cup his cheeks and caress his face tenderly everything seemed to just melt away. The half-ghouls eyes fluttered shut, his muscles relaxing. The moment was without a doubt delicate, and Uta treated kaneki preciously, as if the boy was a doll made with the most fragile porcelain. It was difficult to believe that such a merciful touch could come from someone so strong. 

Kaneki fell forwards into Uta's embrace; into the calming, reassuring hug which he had been yearning for since arrival. Kaneki let go, completely: In that moment the world hazed over... or was it simply clouded by the drawn out sobs which erupted from the younger? Regardless, he had given in and was focusing wholly on the sensation of Uta fondling with his hair and gently wiping the tears from his eyes. It seemed... natural...even mildly nostalgic. Sadly Kaneki knew the reason for this and tried desperately to push it deep down in his mind. The issue was solely that no one had comforted him for a long time. Truthfully, the last person had to have bee- 

'mother'

Uta sensed kaneki's arms wind around his back. The boy buried his head in the others chest, muffling the cries escaping from his throat. They we're raw, unplanned and held in them every tone of abandon. The ghoul gasped, only quietly, however it was certain his pulse was now racing dangerously fast. He was struck with awe of gaining the boy's trust, but also a harrowing pain penetrating to the core. Nevertheless, it is easy to say that the next words uttered were without a doubt unquestionable. 

"you're not going anywhere quite yet my dear.."


	5. Uncovering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When kaneki passes out from starvation just before leaving Uta's shop, Uta makes a vow to himself to intervene with the half ghoul's care, but this comes as a shock to Touka, who has been none the wiser to kaneki's antics.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for how long it's been! (If anyone cares) aha!  
> I've had exams, tears, tantrums, revelations.   
> But I'm back for good now,  
> Lots of love,  
> Alicia x x x

Indeed, Kaneki wasn’t going anywhere at all. Kaneki couldn't have gone anywhere if he had wanted to, or even if Uta had wanted him to. 

It was inevitable the ghoul supposed; with the way Kaneki had been neglecting his body, and yet he still managed to muster up enough repent to blame himself. 

Drop by drop, stroke by stroke; just as the ghoul had dried the boy’s hair, he had wiped the stream of tears from his reddened cheeks. He had whispered a haven of ‘It’s okays’ and ‘I’m here for you’s and ‘you're safe with me’s’; but nothing had seemed to cut it. Then he had sensed Kaneki’s heartbeat; erratic against his chest and felt kaneki’s fists as they trembled even more violently; wound up in the back of his sweater. Kaneki was a volcanic blaze of energy and Uta had panicked. Before he knew it, it had already happened. Kaneki had dropped limp; motionless in his arms.

Solemnly, the ghoul paced the shop floor; faster and faster, knocking over a pile of papers in his stride. Gritting his teeth, he grudgingly knelt to the ground and proceeded to shuffle together the mess of diagrams and sketches back into its neat-little-stacked formation. Uta scrutinised them carefully. There were mask designs for a handful of other ghouls he associated with, mixed with pictures of tattoos and piercings aimed to throw off any suspicions which his occasional human customers may have. 

He was always so careful, always so apprehensive and yet, whenever the creatures walked through his doors, he would smile in the warmest of fashions. His default monotonous tone would disintegrate while his words cascaded out in an unfailingly contented melody. Immediately Uta’s mouth had sprung open and would be fiercely committed to spouting recommendations and suggestions from all that his endeared business held in reserve. The sound of his voice would bounce between every wall.

Uta truly liked humans; the way that they smiled, laughed and moved. Whilst out running errands in the city, or simply visiting the shops he would find himself listening in on their various conversations and would find it hard not to become immersed. It was a good feeling, even though reality had always sat hefty on his conscience. The phenomena of humans, by nature, simply providing another notch in the food chain may have been heavy in his primal instincts but simultaneously made Uta’s guts churn. Unlike certain malicious clusters of other ghouls, it was clear to see that Uta had a heart. It was clear to anyone, barring himself. 

A human could train their repulses and strengthen their muscles for a lifetime, and still remain unlikely to survive for one second when confronted with the capacity of a ghoul. Uta’s mind hastily questioned whether kaneki had started training yet, but the thought was quickly pushed aside. 

Gravely, a taut expression pivoted to sneak a glimpse at where kaneki laid. It was a somewhat worn out couch, worn by Uta himself and the varrying characters who happened to pass through his residence day by day. Nevertheless, it was a soft place to crash. Uta had tried his best. He recalled manoeuvring the swaying and stumbling kaneki to safety; with the boy’s footsteps teetering this way and that. Uta had scooped the tiny semi-conscious frame up in his arms and carefully lay it down to rest. The cushions didn’t look anywhere near soft enough in hindsight, and the tearing black leather felt awfully cold. Kaneki’s body did not miss the warmth however. Deep down, it was clear to see that kaneki was in need of something a little more… substantial.

Uta bit his lip. 

Without turning away, he outstretched an arm and pushed the regathered sketches atop his desk. His hand dropped down to support his chin and he remained kneeling there for a few minutes; staring silently.Kaneki was lying very still. The boy’s complexion was drained; as pale as frost against his soft dark hair and Uta’s oversized grey pullover . His arms were splayed loosely at his sides and his chest rose and fell in tiny peaks and deep crests. His breaths were audible to the other's refined senses and each one sounded like the hushing of the tide as it pulls away from the shore. 

Gradually, the ghoul stood up and gently shook his head. He didn't want to do it, but he knew he would have to. He would need to intervene somehow if this boy was ever going to survive. Smoothly, in one skilled movement, Uta leant down and his hand slowly lowered in order to slide kaneki's beloved eye patch completely off. He did not decide to lay it down anywhere which would be in kaneki’s line of vision. Instead he kept hold of it. It was for the half-ghoul’s own good.

“Kaneki kun… what am I going to do with you?”, he spoke softly to the two closed eyes, imagining them opening, widening with panic and then glaring at him in fear. He clutched at his long black mane. He’d end up tearing his hair out if the boy didn't wake up soon.

Then, he heard kaneki shiver again and the ghoul turned, hurriedly disappearing into the long and narrow corridor. Seconds later, he reappeared, if subtly frenzied, clutching a thick black throw. His paces fell fast as his arms outstretched over the boy, to drape the warm cloth over him, but all of a sudden he dropped it. 

The phone was ringing. 

For a second, Uta froze in his stance whilst frantically glancing to his left and then his right. The ghoul looked and felt as if he had been caught at a crime scene because he knew exactly who was calling. 

The hours were sliding by after all.

“So you’ve definitely seen him then? I mean, I sent him off alone but I was pretty sure he'd be fine. I mean, finding his way around is the least of his-”

Uta swallowed.

“I’ve got him here with me, Touka. The boy, he got here fine but… he doesn't appear to have been eating enough.. or infact anything. Actually.. I would very much like to have him rest here tonight if it's the least I can do...he’s already.. sleeping”

Uta’s slim fingers were gripping the phone tightly and only after his shaky appeal that did he notice he had a perfect birds-eye view of the floorboards. Touka’s voice sounded loud in his ear. It was a siren; a pounding alarm which had caught the ghoul red handed. It spoke volumes more than the simple sentences the girl had said and reminded it's weary listener that said boy did not belong to him. He couldn't keep kaneki with him without Anteiku’s approval, for which he would grasp for with sweaty palms. 

“Sleeping?”, The female ghoul inquired. The line was crystal clear and he could practically envision her perplexed features at the end of it. 

After a short and breathy pause, when Uta eventually managed to usher out the words “fainted” and “starving”, Touka’s heart beat a little faster. Confusion turned to annoyance and annoyance sparked into anger. 

“What do you mean he blanked out?! Kaneki has been eating everything we’ve given him! He’s been fine! He’s not starving at all!” 

“Touka, he’s wasting away”, Uta spoke in a stern whisper as not to rouse the 'sleeping’ one in question, “you can’t honestly tell me that you’ve seen him eat anything of substance and expect me to believe it. Hell, I offered him a small snack earlier and he flinched so hard he almost fell off his chair!” 

Touka was infact livid by now. What did Uta know? Although she was no stranger, to say the least, (as none of the ghouls located at anteiku were), to kaneki’s lack of appetite, she was sure he’d at least been eating the meals they'd provided for him. Infact, kaneki had always appeared quite grateful for whatever passed his lips. He'd smile as he hopped into the kitchen to finish off the washing up. His plate was always empty. Granted, hardly anyone ever saw the boy eating his meals, but the staff were not there to observe him 24/7. That would be insane, or so Touka thought. The boy would be driven crazy. It was either that or Touka figured she would, remembering how much she despised the naïve Newcomer's philosophy. 24 hours of that would be enough to make her want to blow her own brains out.

Touka’s brow furrowed and her face screwed up somewhat as she attempted to explain this, but the stubborn male ghoul was having none of it. A few minutes passed as words were tossed back and forth as in some kind of fierce verbal tennis match. 

In all truth, a niggling impulse in the back of Touka’s mind had wanted to trust Kaneki… or perhaps she had just longed to give him some space. For Christ sake, every cut of meat was currently a foreign taste to the boy; a disturbing and frightening new experience to him. Was it not kindest to let him have one tiny bit of privacy? Was it really this dangerous?

In the end, Uta’s suspicions won out, and Touka’s flames subsided as she threw her mobile down on her bed and huffed like a child who had just lost an argument with their annoying auntie or uncle. She'd let Uta get his way. She hated being wrong but she supposed he had to be right. Kaneki was after all lying on the mask-maker’s couch right now, unconscious. The boy had deceived her. He had deceived everyone at Anteiku whilst supposedly under her care. Sitting with her back against the wall her eyes closed for a second as she tried to plan how to deliver this revelation to yoshimura. 

Around half an hour later, the dreaded knock came at her door and she knew that some questions would need to be answered.  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The first thing which kaneki noticed after waking up was that the evening’s darkness had vanished. It now appeared to be morning as he could hear the light sound of birds chirping outside accompanied by a more distant hum of traffic. Sunlight streamed through the narrow cracks in the curtains of Uta's shop front and drew long lines across the floor. Uta was nowhere to be seen. 

The room seemed roaring with energy and kaneki had to squint for a moment. It was so bright. Cautiously, for he was still feeling undeniably weak, the half-ghoul sat up and yawned. In a moment of negligence he thought to reach up and rub the sleepers from his tired eyes… and that was when he really woke up. 

He spun around, feeling shots of adrenaline pump through his every vein. His tiny pupils fixated on every shelf, every ledge, every nook and cranny which they could find but none held the precious eye patch, his protective shield. He felt the cool air around his eyelid and bit down on his lip, hard. He was aware that his kakugan could possibly be showing and the fleeting thought that Uta may have seen it made him sick. A hand darted up and covered the area vigilantly. Last night… what on earth happened last night…?

There were so many questions bubbling in his brain. Why was he lying on Uta's sofa at 10:41,(he’d checked the clock), in the morning? Why was his eye patch gone? Why hadn't he returned home last night? 

An instinctive and prejudiced voice murmured in kaneki’s subconscious, questioning quietly the chances of Uta having drugged him or performed anything equally grim, but kaneki tried to ignore this. Something told him that it wasn't in the mask-maker's character. Despite his memories being a bit faint he had to admit that when he thought of Uta, he did not think of a monster anymore; not like he had before meeting him. Uta’s name in his head elicited no fear or pain but rather a sense mystery and even intrigue. He still wondered why Uta had taken his protective eye shield though! 

Luckily, it was not long until said ghoul peeked his head round the corner from what kaneki guessed was the kitchen. He was carrying two steaming mugs of coffee and had a fairly mutual expression on his face. Kaneki hadn't heard the kettle boil but he supposed he’d been too absorbed in his queries. 

Uta sat down on the edge of the couch, right next to kaneki. He placed the coffee carefully down on a small stool which was in arm's reach from the pair, and then he smiled. It was a small smile more ushered out of pity than contentedness, nevertheless it assured kaneki that he was in safe hands and had been for the night. He could almost curse at that quiet nagging voice in his head now which had questioned the ghoul’s intentions. He the warmth in Uta's regard, in the sunlit room, in the thick blanket which he had woken up cocooned in, and smiled back. It was the least he could do. 

“How are you this morning my little kaneki-kun? I think we need to talk"


End file.
